How to Deal With Difficult Emotions and Stay Centered in Love and Harmony

Attachment, Ego and the Emotions

By Rena Wells

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Diving into the emotional realm does seem daunting. In all honesty not many of us truly understand what emotions are, and how could we? Even our psychologists, psychiatrists, and medical doctors turn to medication or very black and white mental coping mechanisms in order to control how we should be responding to our external stimuli. I am in no way knocking our mental health workers, they are needed as much as energy healers and I believe that the two together can co-create a beautiful marriage one day.


In truth, we have all been conditioned to behave in certain ways through various circumstances throughout our lives. What felt natural at one point, (as babies and very young children,) eventually became stifled and we were told on some level it was wrong to feel a certain way. This created the cycle of shame, and self-doubt, which also created an ingrained belief system to conform to what our exterior world told us. We eventually forgot how to listen authentically to the emotions within and by the time we entered adulthood all of these emotions became overbearing to a point where the majority of people on our planet suffer from depression. We learned from a young age the mental control tactics of emotion, which the ego has attached to.

As an energy metaphysical intuitive, and a highly sensitive empath,  I have not only lived through the dark realms of my emotions, I have done tremendous energy work in discerning with direct guidance from Spirit and the light council who have been with me since my early youth. I have healed my depression, anxiety and addictions all through emotional energy work and I’m here to share some yummy secrets with you!

Let’s first take a look at our physical world and how we relate to other humans. We can relate and somewhat understand how another human feels because we share the same physical human identification. When we see another human hurting, caught in a realm of depression, a sense of low self-worth, we can have empathy and compassion because we have felt those emotions at some point in our own lives.  These slower vibrating emotions fall into two dualities, the black and white categories of love and fear.  These emotions are three dimensional human generated emotions conditioned by the mental realm, also known as the ego. Remember this is the conditioning we have lived for many years. Spiritual emotions also fall into these two categories; however the big difference that separates human emotions from spiritual emotions is attachment.

According to Buddha, the root to all suffering is attachment. To be in a state of peace and harmony is the transmutation of the attachment of the ego when we begin working towards soul evolution and self-actualization. Yes these emotions all feel very real, however it’s the act of letting go of the attachment that no longer serves us. So what is attachment exactly? I’m not implying that we become these narcissistic unfeeling beings, quite the contrary. What I’m here to teach is that we can own the observer god-self within, without having attachments to certain situations.  If you resonate with any of the words below it’s a sure sign that you are attached to the situation, person, or an internal pattern or belief system:

  • Needing
  • Wanting
  • Obsession
  • Depression
  • Desperation
  • Anxiety
  • Guilt
  • Pity
  • Deflection
  • Competitive
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Confusion
  • Feelings of lack
  • Righteousness
  • Fear
  • Victimization
  • Low self-worth and esteem
  • Jealousy and envy

These aren’t all feelings, and I believe that emotions can be derived out of situations and roles, much like the victim role listed. This list not only works hand in hand when we are in a slow vibrational state, it also works when we are in a love space, hence very unhealthy relationships. We can most definitely feel fear, or anger, in a relationship. This is because we have formed a three dimensional attachment to the person, or the relationship itself. On a very subconscious, energetic level, we are feeding something of a third dimensional pattern, and it is up to us to become consciously aware of this! Not all is lost! We can use this list as a guide to point us in the direction of the attachment and to realize this is another aspect in our lives that is being run by ego! That’s the first step – recognition and ownership. The next step is not buying into the patterns created by these slow vibrating situational emotions, which we have done so many times in the past! The power comes when we choose differently. That is the difficult step, which takes inner work, practice, and great amounts of self-love and courage to dive deep! However with patience, faith, and consistent communication with our angels and the universe this does get easier!

The tricky part of the equation is how do we transmute these slower vibrating emotions to the universe and how do we let go of attachment?

It’s self-love.

Loving self fully and authentically is about honoring our worthiness. What we deserve is what will see us through. You see, we must dig deep, seek within, and love ourselves fully before we can transmute into a faster vibration. It is the innate knowing that these feelings of suffering are false, and part of the illusion in the third dimension. We lovingly look at the reflections of situations and people in our lives when we feel these slower vibrating emotions, and ask ourselves within, how and why did I attract this? What am I feeling within that has formed an attachment to this physical illusion? It is only from a place of self-love and self-authentic ownership of the attached patterns that come from ego, is when light and truth will be revealed. We begin to see things clearly because we no longer doubt what we are feeling; instead we are looking at them head on! With courage and self-love! Yes, this may mean that once we no longer buy into the attachments and old belief patterns, things fall away. Life changes, relationships may end. But they were never for your highest good to begin with! Trust and have faith that with this clearing has now left your vessel empty to accept and receive the true abundance spirit has waiting for you!

Well that all sounds fine and dandy doesn’t it? Where do we go from here? Exactly how do we love ourselves authentically?

In a world where we are taught from an early age to please, to follow the rules society has laid out for us, it’s hard to hear that quiet voice that nudges at your gut telling you to say “NO” to a certain situation. This happens the instant before we second guess ourselves and choose the voice that says “just do it, it will cause fewer problems” It’s very easy to say I love myself because I eat healthy foods, or I exercise regularly. These are physical self-care attributes and a great starting point to self-love however it’s not the end all. Healthy emotional boundaries are the next steps of self-love. Knowing how you wish to be treated is honouring your emotional body which ties into your spiritual power. When you have a clear knowing how you wish to be treated, by loving and treating yourself with kindness and compassion, this will expand to treating others in that same regard. The old golden rule is a vital aspect of self-love. Treat those how you wish to be treated. These aspects of self-love, once in daily mindful practice will connect you to the deep act of knowing self. There are more layers to peel back. True self-love comes from a deep knowing of the universal creator god connection at the core root. It is the deep space in the pit of your solar plexus chakra and in your heart chakra. The power chakra and heart chakra work hand in hand to transmute and own your power from your physical world (solar plexus) into the love vibration through Spirit (heart chakra)

If you sit back and scan your body internally, ask spirit to show you the depths in your stomach and in your heart at the same time. You will feel a deep pull from within. For me it feels like a magnifying force pulling me downwards, deep into a hole within myself. We have to remember the balance of living internal freedom is the dance between dark and light, we cannot have one without the other. This feeling of going into the dark is normal; it’s diving into the unknown. Remember we fear the unknown, but it is the unknown holds all that you desire! Don’t fear, simply allow. We are at a time to balance the divine feminine we have lost on the planet; it is the depth of connection that arises from these deep crevices that surface into the chakras where light can balance it. Go within, without judgement and feel it and allow it, and simply become the observer of the feelings that arise. It may feel strange at first if you haven’t tapped into yourself that deeply. As humans we become fearful of that deep pull, but I assure you, it is the link to the universal secrets! The simultaneous resonance of both these chakras, vibrating, pulsing in rhythm, will create a deep vibrating expression that will begin to run THROUGH you, expanding outwards from within into the 3D field. This is the act of becoming God manifest on the planet. This is when you are acting from higher self most of the time. This is who you truly are, you are God incarnate. You are a divine co-creator and have come here to own your creative manifesting power. It is also the realization from a humble heart that you are everyone else on the planet. The same life force that runs through your blood runs through all living creation. This realisation will bring you a profound awakening to truly loving oneself. This takes time, so continue to strive to see yourself in all that is around you. Achieving this space is possible, with every day mindful practice.

When we close off our deep intuition to choose the rules that were given to us years ago (even at a time before this incarnation) we can easily get lost in the myriad belief patterns of ego. We then question what is true self love? The list of emotions and situations above are indicators of emotions to recognize and to become aware of in your everyday life. Noticing these vibrations, you can continue to practice mindfulness and to exercise your power of choice. They are simply an indicator of the vibration that arises to pull you out of your higher self-connection and to continue playing the 3rd dimensional patterns. Nothing more! Don’t take the emotions personally! Change the perspective that these slow vibrating emotions and situations are simply indicators of exercising your power of choice! Transmuting this energy is your superpower! This is where I teach those who come for a consultation to practice a technique given to me by source. It’s called the Pause, Pray and Respond method. It is a great technique on how to honour your highest self by bringing space and mindfulness into your everyday situations that are presented to you. Here‘s how it works.

1. Pause: Space is all around us. As humans we act in what I call “auto-trigger” reactions. We fall into the mundane patterns of following the unspoken expected behaviours when we are interacting with other humans. The “how are you doing today” small talk, or the looking up in an elevator syndrome. We all know it and we all do it. We become so accustom to these patterns, if someone breaks that norm, we immediately judge and find that person strange. I challenge you to try the pause technique. Even if it’s in a situation of small talk “how are you doing?” before you open your mouth and say the typical reactive response “I’m fine thank you, how are you?” Take a breath. Bring space into your vibration and feel the question in your solar plexus and in your heart. By bringing space and breath into your moment, you are allowing the universe into your daily interactions. You will feel differently and you will speak authentically from a space within which comes not only from your power chakra but also from your heart. This is practicing what Jesus called “discernment” It is the allowing of space, which will help the observer, your higher self, to fully articulate truth.
2. Pray: This leads to having your own personal conversations with the universe. As you pause, it’s vital to speak within to your higher self, god, the angels, the creator etc. whatever label you resonate with. This is your personal relationship with yourself and in turn the Universe. Asking for direction from within, and trusting and following the answer you get from your gut/heart feeling is all about faith and building your connection with the unknown. When asked a question, pause, take a breath and then pray briefly about it. Ask the universe from within to bring the answer into your gut, and into your heart. You will feel the emotion arise and you will be given a set of words. Just go with it. This is silencing the mind and allowing the expression of your higher self and the universe to speak through you. It’s quite the powerful experience! This will solidify your sacred relationship with Spirit. Pray as much as you can. Speak and seek within the answers, and take the leap of faith to speak and love from that space. I see it as a contract I have with one of the best consultants on the planet! Why wouldn’t I trust the answers the Universe brings to me simply because my mind can’t understand them? This consultant has all the experience of creation! I’m more willing to trust those answers than my own. And if we choose our own, that’s ok too! That’s the power we have, however you will see time and time again, the connection to Spirit is truly the only way to create authentic greatness in your life. You always have free will!
3. Respond: The truth you speak once you pause and pray is a third dimensional space that is merging with the spiritual dimension. This is what I call merging dimensions! Breathe in the question and respond to what your gut tells you. To your surprise you may realize you say “I’m not very good today, it’s been a rough day” it’s ok to say the truth, the other person’s reactions is theirs and not yours. By pausing, and praying in your daily life in all interactions you allow the expression of the universe to flow through you. It will become second nature the more you practice. I also pause and ask within for the answer to express. This alleviates the mind to search for the appropriate words. When I ask the universe for the answer it always comes! This is also surrendering and working as a co-creator with the greatest power on Earth! The power of creation!

Responding and reacting are two entirely different things. When are in the trigger happy conversations, the “elevator talk” for instance, we are reacting. Anger and fighting is a great example of reaction. When we lack space in our conversations and when we lack praying within for the best expression, we tend to fall into the reactive response mechanism. To respond, we are then expressing our higher selves, because we have taken our breath, we have paused; we have asked within, we have prayed, we can now respond authentically. By not pausing and praying we are then susceptible to reacting. Reacting from patterns of past hurts, past inflictions that cause defensive behaviours, all the while we know our souls and in our heart we don’t feel that way. So why did we react and behave certain ways, when it’s not our authentic selves? It is because we have yet again allowed ego to run the show. Reaction is always the ego. Responding is when we are in a space of allowing true higher self-expression.

There you have it! Tools to help you bring mindful practice into your life will also feed the deep core of self-love within. So give it a shot. Try it out. The Pause, Pray, Respond technique will change your life, and keep at it! We have been on auto pilot for years, all things take practice, and time. By following these steps, you will start to recognize more of who you are, and the self-love you have from deep within will shine through because you have now bridged the physical plane with the spiritual plane. You are now expressing divinity through your three dimensional body without ego! Hot damn that’s some powerful you!

Rena Wells is a Metaphysical Intuitive Consult with over 28 years of reading energy. Born highly aware and with extrasensory abilities she has learned how to navigate the multidimensional realms within.  You can reach Rena at Rena.wells@rogers.com or www.renawells.ca

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