HJ: Relationships can be a powerful tool for self growth. Our partners typically mirror our own projections, beliefs, emotional patterns and wounds and so by observing them and what they do that triggers us, we can make rapid progress towards a more aware, healed, joyous and peaceful life.

– Truth

5 Steps To A Spiritual Love Relationship

By Nicole Leigh West | Nicole Leigh West | The Spiritual Room

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Before looking at what we can do to nurture relationships, it’s important to identify any blockages getting in the way of manifesting them in the first place. Scan the list of words below. Do you think any apply to you as a result of, or reason for, ending a relationship? Or, maybe you think some of them apply to you right now, in the midst of a relationship?

• Hurt
• Insecurity
• Jealousy
• Loneliness
• Desperation
• Unworthiness
• Betrayal
• Control
• Boredom
• Complacency

Now, put these words in their place. Because they are just words. We use words to help explain the emotions our thoughts result in, thereby placing much more intensity on the meaning behind the words, then is necessary.

And via these words, we can give our own power away.


Your life is your movie. In your own movie, words and beliefs can seem as hard to slay as fire-breathing dragons, when, saying ‘abracadabra’ could work just as well. First, let go of the words, beliefs, plans and issues of others, in order to leave space to be able to feel your own.

This leads us to the first step:

1. Remember You Are the Most Important Person in Your Life

All you need to remember, no matter which “blueprint” for life and love you may have taken on from society or parents or friends, is that you can make up your own at any time. Once you remember this, you’ll be released from the illusion that you “must” do certain things, be with certain people or make certain impressions in order to be happy. Then you can get on with making yourself happy. So much is written on how to make ourselves happy, how to increase confidence, how to attract what we want, that it can seem like an overwhelming amount of work, just to be happy with ourselves.

It’s not hard work. It can take as little as one second to be happy with yourself. Think about how good it feels to drop 10 bags of heavy groceries on the floor after you carry them up four flights of stairs. You feel freedom, relief, lightness. Drop everyone else’s ideals and realize that yours are the only ones that matter. You can do this right now in the same amount of time it takes to drop the groceries. After all, you’re only dropping thoughts – and you’re about to make liberating new ones.

2. Release All Control

Yes, all of it. Every last toxic skerrick. Release your perceived control over others and their perceived control over you. This is really very simple, because it’s an illusion anyway. Control based thoughts will disappear as soon as you remember they have as little substance as a puff of smoke. You’re making up stories in your mind when you think you have control over someone or they have control over you. Fictional stories. If you’re going to make up stories, why not aim for excitement, adventure, action, love? You’re going to manifest a very limited audience for yourself if your story is about boring old control issues…

3. Realize Love Doesn’t Have to Mean ‘Joined at the Hip’

A spiritually aware relationship consists of two individuals on their own paths, who’ve decided to share roadways for a time. Both individuals help each other to learn and grow along those separate paths, while enjoying the experience of both paths meeting up – sometimes alongside each other, sometimes branching out in different directions. Both accept, embrace and love each because of this individuality, therefore continually supporting growth. Relationships don’t have to consist of anything else. You don’t have to have joint bank accounts, or even live in the same place. You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to get rings, you don’t have to have children. You don’t have to like the same movies or clothes or activities. You don’t have to go to every function together and you don’t have to know where each other is at all times. Equality, freedom, acceptance and love are the main ingredients required here.

4. Listen, Listen, Listen

The partners we choose always reflect a part of ourselves. As soon as any irritation or defensiveness arises within you, know that the issue may be a reflection of your own, not just your partners, and listen to it. Even if you’re judging them for something you think you know they’re doing wrong, the issue is still yours because you’re the one judging, which is another form of making up stories to go along with negative thoughts or negative emotions.

Always briefly listen to the negative thought you have and feel the emotion, but don’t label it. Don’t buy into it. Just observe it. That way, you can figure out the root of the issue and release it.

Listening, really listening, with acceptance and an open mind, can actually negate all superficial, ego-inspired arguments.

5. Talk, Talk, Talk

If no subject is taboo between partners, talking is free, easy, fascinating, ever-changing and a source of constant learning. In a spiritually aware relationship, communication is void of manipulation for self-serving purposes. Communication is completely open, as both are able to speak without thought, without worry, without judgement.

It can seem like jealousy and judgement are ingrained emotions we have nothing to do with and can’t help, let alone control. They happen so quickly – one word, or look can trigger these feelings. To reconnect on a spiritual path in the midst of these emotions, talk about them. Immediately release them, tell your partner what you feel when you feel it and you’ll uncover the often illusionary thought hiding beneath the emotion; like a giant captive troll roaring in your subconscious.

When you talk, the beast is free of its cage. Freedom within a relationship is knowing your partner can’t work magic on you and can’t make you feel bad no matter what they say or do. You make you feel bad with your thoughts about what someone says or does.

You are the only one with the power to do so. You are the only one with the power to make changes or not, to stay or go, to love or hate. Because it is only you that your inner world reflects back at you. You are the projectionist and the main actor, director and producer of your life. (With regard to your own life, you can’t actually be made redundant from, or quit these prime positions.)

So, the only thing left to do is enjoy the love story that evolves, be present with it and allow it to flow where it will, uninhibited. Slay your pre-programmed thoughts and beliefs, rather than the person you’re with, and be sure to edit your script carefully, adding and deleting exactly what you want, before you turn it into reality.

Nicole Leigh West is the author of ‘The Gypsy Trail’ YA fiction novel, a travel and lifestyle writer,  Reiki practitioner, mentor and joyful creator of The Spiritual Room. Visit her websites: www.nicoleleighwest.comwww.thespiritualroom.com and www.facebook.com/nicoleleighwest

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