HJ: Toxic people drag us down to their level and keep us from living up to our full potential for happiness and joy. As you may have heard, you are the product of the five people you spend the most time with. So, if there is someone in your life that is not at your level and that you feel is dragging you down, it is in your best interest to really examine the relationship and see if it is truly serving your highest good. If not, it may be time to let them go.
29 Ways To Deal With Toxic People
By Simona Rich | Simona Rich
Toxic people’s energy feels heavy and depressing. Negative people can quickly leave you feeling drained and low.
Here are some tips to deal with toxic people that worked for me when I was in a toxic relationship. Some tips worked for the people I coached, and some were given by my facebook readers.
1. Physically distance yourself.
That’s the most obvious and best way to deal with toxic people because no matter how much you try to protect yourself, sometimes they still find a way to do damage.
2. In no way give your energy to them.
Toxic people crave your energy and attention. They especially like when you negatively react to their remarks. Don’t give them such joy – refuse to react with your body and emotions, and they will find you not amusing enough to spend their time on.
3. Limit your exposure.
Think of ways to limit the time you spend with toxic people. Can you physically shift away from them? Can you arrange your day so that your schedule doesn’t meet theirs? For example, if you live with a toxic person, maybe you can go to a library when they come back from work; or maybe you can go to sleep early if they go to bed late. This will buy you easy and light hours of your existence.
4. Balance their heavy attitude with positive influence.
Weigh the scales to your favor by introducing more positive activities in your day. Surround yourself with inspirational books, join positive entrepreneurs’ groups, start some new hobby; do everything to lift your mood, so that the effect toxic people have on you is insignificant compared to all the wonderful things you’re engaging in.
5. Understand that toxic people are in pain.
No person who hurts others is happy with herself. By verbally beating others up, toxic people actually batter their own selves. Their external toxicity is the symbol of how they treat themselves. The pain you feel after their remarks is lesser than the pain and misery they have to live with every hour of their lives. Be compassionate, therefore; this kind of understanding and attitude will help you to be less affected by their words and actions.
6. Energetically protect yourself.
Whenever you perceive some situation as threatening to drain your energy, imagine yourself in a gemstone egg. This egg is impenetrable, and any energetic attack jumps right off the egg’s stone shell. This is a powerful shielding technique to keep yourself balanced and in possession of all your energy.
7. Respect yourself.
The more you value yourself, the less time you spend with people who don’t value you. If you make excuses to spend time with toxic people, like
“But I’ve known him for ages"
“I can’t just severe our friendship"
…it’s time to raise your self-esteem. If you willingly choose to spend time with toxic people, your self esteem is low and deep within you think you deserve such treatment. Raise your self esteem and excuses to remain with toxic people will disappear.
8. Don’t let their words sink into your unconscious.
Never allow hurtful words to pass the barrier of the conscious mind into the sea of unconscious, because if you do, your confidence will diminish and your mood will go down; you will start limiting yourself in many ways if their hurtful words take root in your being. Always be on guard to what toxic people say to you; especially be alert for hidden belittling remarks that can sting after some time.
Such remarks, for example, are:
“Your story was inspirational! You probably should have avoided opening up thatmuch, but I thoroughly enjoyed your story."
These kinds of criticisms sandwiched between praises are easy to accept, and they start damaging your self esteem if they reach your unconscious mind.
9. It’s your choice.
You choose whether to be influenced by toxic people or not. You can stand your ground and refuse to take in their toxic waste, or you can choose to absorb it and make your life worse off as a result.
10. Refuse to lower your energy.
Toxic people can’t affect you if you refuse to lower your vibration to meet theirs. Only when you lower it, do you feed them with your energy and thus become disempowered. Every time you react to their remarks and behavior, you’re doing just that – lowering your vibration to get into rapport with theirs. Thoughtful positive response, or no response at all, on the other hand, keeps your vibration unchanged.
11. It’s not personal.
Do you think those people are toxic only with you? They’re toxic with everyone. A spiky plant doesn’t just hurt one hand that touches it – it hurts everyone who attempts to do so. The same applies to toxic people. This understanding will make it easier to bear them, and maybe you won’t take their remarks too personally anymore.
12. It’s not personal at all.
In addition to the previous point, let me also tell you that the way toxic people react to you is not really directed at You. They respond to their own mental projections of you; they’re fighting with their inner demons. If they’re toxic, the way they see the world and the people in the world is totally inaccurate, so don’t get upset when they hurt you; the image they see of you is not really who you are.
13. Avoid eye contact.
Most drainage occurs through eye contact. If you are quick to lose your ground and energy, therefore, avoid eye-contact with toxic people at all costs.
14. Avoid arguments.
Trust me, toxic people are experts in arguments. They will quickly bring you down if you attempt to over-smart them with arguments.
15. Keep it short.
The conversation with them should be kept as short as possible. Excuse yourself in any way to end the contact fast. Answer their questions in a way that don’t make the conversation continue, like “Yes" or “No". Don’t feel bad about giving short answers, as it’s them that should be feeling bad about how they treat you.
16. Agree with them.
In the conversation, either agree with them or say something along the lines of “I understand where you’re coming from" or “Okay", or “I see". This will help to avoid unnecessary confrontations that would result in energy drainage, and it will protect you from more forceful negativity attacks from them. Never bite their low vibration hooks, no matter how carefully they craft them.
17. See whatever goodness they have.
However hard it may be, see what positive qualities toxic people have and focus all your attention on them; be grateful for those qualities, however insignificant they are, like an occasional smile or some sign of humility.
18. Be okay with their traits.
Accept them for who they are and make peace with that. They will change when or if they’re ready to change. There’s nothing you can do if they’re not willing to change.
19. Send them this energetic message:
“You’re in pain- that’s why you behave this way. I’m sending you love, compassion and support."
Some of them will feel this message and will probably leave you since the energy coming forth won’t resonate with them. Some may benefit from this energy shower and will start changing, if they’re ready to change.
20. Check your vibration.
The hardest thing to acknowledge is that if you regularly attract toxic people, your vibration is not that different. Keep raising it and you will notice that negative people leave your life.
21. Turn it to positive.
Whatever toxic people say, laugh and say that it’s hilarious, when appropriate. This burst of happy energy is a real turn off for negative people and they will leave you in search for easier victims. Another thing to do is find inspiration in any part of their remark, and totally focus on it, like:
“Today is horribly cold."
“I know, I love looking at snowflakes falling. It’s so beautiful and magical! It reminds me of the time when I was a child and …" (continue as long as you possibly can, getting more excited. This is a total turn off for toxic people).
22. Stand your ground.
Strongly assert your positive energy in no way being swayed by their negative remarks. If you avoid answering toxic people’s negative comments in a direct way, but turn it into something positive, it will help you remain unshaken. For example:
“I hate Bob."
“You know I recently met Kate, Bob’s sister, and she looks gorgeous! She lost so much weight, good for her!"
Keep yourself on the clouds, so to speak, don’t descend from there. Toxic people will leave you shortly if you’re not subscribing to their gloom-filled reality.
23. Busy yourself.
Make yourself seem too busy to give them your time. Keep finding ways to get busy and keep excusing yourself from having to talk to them. You can even make it obvious that it’s an excuse, for they don’t value your time anyway so you shouldn’t care if it’s an urgent business or not. For example:
“I would like to talk to you about something."
“Maybe next time as I need to fill these documents so I’ll talk to you later" and leave – no further excuses are necessary – you are busy and they should respect that.
Facebook readers’ tips
Here are some insightful tips that I got from my facebook readers when I asked how they deal with toxic people.
24. What can you learn from them? Are they reflecting some trait you have, which should be eliminated? – James
25. Let them be as they are, while you remain as you are. Leave emotions at the doorstep. – Marcus
26. Be an observer of their drama, there’s no need to react to their negativity. If we react, we start losing power to the situation. It’s a waste of energy. — James
27. Pretend you misunderstood what they said and turn it into something positive.— Anne
28. Leo Babauta in his post on negative people advises to face them with a company, so that it wouldn’t be only you on the receiving end as a target for all their negativity. I think that’s a great tip.
29. Whilst dealing with toxic people, keep working out your escape plan. You should and must create an environment to flourish in and to develop yourself in ways that your soul urges you to. To dictate what people can remain in your life you must be the master of it.
To become the master of your life, firstly you need to master your Self. Strengthen the inner core to get in control of your emotions, finances, relationships and all live’s aspects. This book can help to find courage and inspiration to stop fearing and start living. It helped me to break up with my toxic partner.