HJ: We humans are like emotional sponges (especially if you are empathic) and we absorb the energy of other people, often without realizing it. This is definitely something to become aware of, however, the even bigger problem is that because we don’t realize it, we often think these emotions are our own. When this happens, we take on the baggage and distress of other people and this just adds confusion and unnecessary suffering into our lives.
But it doesn’t have to be this way… It is possible to become aware of ‘what’s yours and what’s theirs’ and to stop accepting other people’s emotions… permanently.
I know that when I first became aware of this, it was a life-changing moment because although I certainly wasn’t free of my own emotional baggage, I knew that what I was carrying around that was actually mine was much, much smaller than what I had previously thought. It turned out I was empathic and absorbing other peoples baggage unwittingly, giving me the distinct impression that I had all these emotional issues when I really did not.
Let’s not kid ourselves, most of the people we encounter are in need of great emotional and spiritual healing. Our society is not largely aware at these levels and most of us walk around with a lifetime of conflicting, limiting beliefs and unhealed emotional charges, sharing them freely with or without realizing it.
Therefore it is incredibly important to be able to differentiate between what’s yours and what’s not yours, lest you begin identifying with the massive amount of baggage others carry around with them.
This article will show you how to do just that. It outlines simply and beautifully 8 steps (plus extra tips) on how to clearly delineate between your own energy and the energy of others and most importantly, to stop absorbing it! So do yourself a favor and read up, because this article has the potential to transform your life…
How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions
By Judith Orloff MD | Dr. Judith Orloff
Emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, and immobility are energies. And you can potentially “catch" these energies from people without realizing it. If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions, or even how to deflect the free-floating negativities in crowds. Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially suffering with similar pain. That’s how empathy works; we zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves.
From an energetic standpoint, negative emotions can originate from several sources: what you’re feeling may be your own; it may be someone else’s; or it may be a combination. Here is how to tell the difference and strategically bolster your positive emotions so you don’t shoulder negativity that doesn’t belong to you.
1. Identify whether you’re susceptible.
The person most likely to be overwhelmed by negative energies surrounding you is an “empath”, someone who acts as an “emotional sponge”.
Signs that you might be an empath include:
*People call you “hyper-sensitive”, “overly sensitive”, etc., and they don’t mean it as a compliment!
*You sense fear, anxiety, and stress from other people and draw this into your body, resolving them as your own physical pain and symptoms. It doesn’t have to be people you don’t know or don’t like; you’re also impacted by friends, family, and colleagues.
*You quickly feel exhausted, drained, and unhappy in the presence of crowds.
*Noise, smells, and excessive talking can set off your nerves and anxiety.
*You need to be alone to recharge your energy.
*You’re less likely to intellectualize what you’re feeling. Your feelings are easily hurt.
*You’re naturally giving, generous, spiritually inclined, and a good listener.
*You tend to ensure that you’ve got an escape plan, so that you can get away fast, such as bringing your own car to events, etc.
*The intimacy of close relationships can feel like suffocation or loss of your own self.
2. Seek the source.
First, ask yourself whether the feeling is your own or someone else’s. It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what’s causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator.
*For instance, if you’ve just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity, energy fields overlap.
*The same is true with going to a mall or a packed concert. If crowded places upset or overwhelm you, it may well be because you’re absorbing all the negative energy around you
3. Give yourself some distance
Distance yourself from the suspected source, where possible. Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel relief. Don’t err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don’t hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression imposing on you.
4. Center yourself by concentrating on your breath.
Center yourself by concentrating on your breath. Doing this connects you to your essence. For a few minutes, keep exhaling negativity, inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself and purify fear or other difficult emotions. Visualize negativity as gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick results.
5. Flush out the harm.
Flush out the harm. Negative emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your emotional center at the solar plexus (celiac plexus).
*Place your palm on your solar plexus as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to flush stress out.
*For longstanding depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen this center. It’s comforting and it builds a sense of safety and optimism as it becomes a ritual.
6. Shield yourself.
Shield yourself. A handy form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what’s positive to filter in.
7. Manage the emotional overload.
You don’t need to be beholden to your ability to absorb other’s emotions; turn the curse into a gift by practicing strategies that can free you:
*Learn to recognize people who can bring you down. People who are particularly difficult for emotional empaths include criticizer, the victim, the narcissist, and the controller. Judith Orloff terms these people “emotional vampires”. When you know how to spot these behaviors, you can protect yourself against them, including removing yourself from their presence, and telling yourself that “I respect the person you are within even though I don’t like what you’re doing.”
*Eat a high protein meal before entering stressful situations such as being part of a crowd. When in a crowd, find places of refuge, such as sitting on the edges, or standing apart.
*Ensure that you don’t have to rely on other people to get you out of difficult situations. Bring your own car or know how to get home easily when needed. Have sufficient funds to be able to make alternate arrangements if you start feeling overwhelmed.
*Set time limits. Knowing how much you can stand and obeying that limit is vital to ensure your mental well-being. Also set kind but meaningful boundaries with others who overwhelm you; don’t stand around listening to them talking for two hours when you can only cope with half an hour.
*Have your own private place in a home shared with others. Ask others to respect your downtime during which you can rejuvenate. This is especially important to prevent you from taking on your partner’s feelings too much. A study, man cave, sewing room, reading nook, etc., all offer your own space.
*Practice meditation and mindfulness.
8. Look for positive people and situations.
Call a friend who sees the good in others. Spend time with a colleague who affirms the bright side of things. Listen to hopeful people. Hear the faith they have in themselves and others. Also relish hopeful words, songs, and art forms. Hope is contagious and it will lift your mood.
*Cultivate positive emotions that boost your inner strength. If you’re surrounded by peace and love, you’ll flourish as strongly as negative emotions cause you to wilt. Respecting your own needs through healthy self love will increase your ability to respect others.
*Learn to use compassion as a way to defend yourself against overwhelming emotions. Compassion allows you to be empathetic to the plight of other people but also requires that you are compassionate toward yourself. This means that you don’t need to feel guilty about seeking respite from being overwhelmed; doing so ensures that you can be more engaged with others in the long run, rather than less so. It also means that you keep yourself whole by not immersing yourself in the world of negative people.
*Keep practicing these strategies. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you’re on emotional overload. With strategies to cope, you can have quicker retorts to stressful situations, feel safer, and your sensitivities can blossom.
*Aches, pains, confusion, and feeling overwhelmed after being amid a crowd are all signs that you’ve absorbed negative emotions from other people and your body is trying to protect you.
*Some people will respond to the absorption of negative emotions with panic attacks, depression, food binges, and undiagnosable physical symptoms.
*It is possible that if you’re suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome, that you’re suffering from emotional overload.
*Don’t expect everyone to respect your needs. Some people never will. But the most powerful word is “no”. You don’t have to comply with their wishes; taking care of yourself comes first, then you’re better able to care for others.
*Recognize that most or all of the signs that you may be ’empathic’ will apply to co-dependency as well; especially if you have a problem saying “no” to people. While it is much less attractive to view yourself as co-dependent, rather than ’empathic’, it is probably more to the point; and easily treatable, thus allowing you to respect your own needs, and vastly diminishing or eliminating the symptoms described above.
Things You’ll Need: Space of your own to retreat to
Judith Orloff MD is bestselling author of the new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011) upon which these tips and article are based. Her insights in Emotional Freedom create a new convergence of healing paths for our stressed out world. An assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, and in Oprah Magazine and USA Today. Visit her website here: Dr. Judith Orloff