Connecting to Your Essence: 7 Qualities of Your True Self

HJ: The true self within us is constantly yearning to be fully expressed.  However, most of cannot recognize its voice because we are not taught how to live in alignment with it by our modern society/culture.  In fact, our society largely encourages us to repress it, largely out of total ignorance of its true importance.  However, you are here now because you are interested in learning to speak the language of your true self — the language of your soul.  You are here because you want to rediscover this sacred part of yourself and begin to express it fully.  As you may be aware, doing so will bring you untold happiness, fulfillment and peace and until you connect with and fully express your true self, these will always elude you to some degree.  So, consider this your moment of serendipity and read with an open mind the article below, masterfully written by John Chirban, who will guide you towards recognizing and fully embracing this deep, spiritual aspect of yourself.

– Truth

Seven Qualities of the True Self

The Essence of Human Being

By John T. Chirban, Ph.D, Th.D. | Psychology Today | Dr. Chirban

For that man whom your outward form reveals is not yourself; the spirit is the true self,

not that physical figure which can be pointed out by your finger.

              – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Our True Self is defined by seven intrinsic qualities.  I initially identified these qualities during my study of Christian anthropology while in seminary.  As I went on to study psychology and religion at Harvard, I found that these qualities are confirmed in the great religions of the world and in the modern scientific study of psychology as defining the unique nature of human being. These qualities are:

Human beings uniquely possess these qualities, and they are given to each of us.  The true self is not reserved for those who have devoted their lives to becoming mystics.  We are born with these resources which are available to all of us at any time.

These seven gifts guide us from within and define our unique nature.  We may nurture these qualities or we may or take them for granted; if we choose the former course, our life will be opened and filled by meaningful opportunities–if we choose the latter, we will remain wanting and helpless, functioning at a level far lower than our potential. Nevertheless, even if we fail to utilize them, these qualities lie dormant, for we never lose them.  They exist within us, waiting for us to awaken them:

1. Spontaneity  

Children are born true scientists.  They spontaneously experiment and experience and reexperience again.  They select, combine, and test, seeking to find order in their experiences–“which is the mostest? Which is the leastest?”  They smell, taste, bite, and touch-test for hardness, softness, springiness, roughness, smoothness, coldness, warmness:  they heft, shake, punch, squeeze, push, crush, rub, and try to pull things apart.            — R. Buckminster Fuller


Spontaneity is our ability to express our self without hindrance.  We preserve and develop spontaneity if we feel safe, cherished, and free from distress.  Spontaneity captures the innocence, readiness, and freshness of a child.  The spontaneous person embraces joy and affectionate humor just as children, who are less inhibited and socially constrained, naturally express their authentic and visceral feelings.  Those who are spontaneous beyond their childhood years retain honest access to the full range of their emotions.  People may attribute spontaneity to those with a youthful character; but while spontaneity involves innocence, child-likeness, and having fun, it also entails resilience and the ability and readiness to heal, mature, and develop, to expand our competence. Our spontaneity spurs us to growth because we are destined for expressing our aliveness.Psychologists have identified six universal emotions that we express cross-culturally:  happiness, joy, surprise, anger, sadness, and fear.  While we often associate access to the positive emotions as a sign of maturity, awareness of and access to the full range of one’s feelings more accurately characterizes one who is spontaneous.  To assess our spontaneity, we must ask:  Do I feel openness and readiness in my activities?  Do I possess a freshness and enthusiasm in life?  Do I have access to only certain emotions?  Do I feel greater restraint or greater ease with these emotions?

2. Reasoning

The first reason for man’s inner slavery is his ignorance, and above all, his ignorance of himself.  Without self-knowledge, without understandingthe working and functions of his machine, man cannot be free, he cannot govern himself and he will always remain a slave, and the plaything of the forces acting upon him.  This is why in all ancient teaching the first demand at the beginning of the way to liberation was: Know Thyself.                                      –George Gurdjieff

Reasoning is sound thinking; it accounts for our understanding of life and our progress in it.  Through reasoning, we can discover more about the world and about ourselves and participate in life in endless ways.  With the potential depth of our ability to understand, we are designed to explore, engage the world, and find solutions to our problems.

3. Creativity

Creativity is…seeing something that doesn’t exist already.  You need to find out how you can bring it into being and that way be a playmate with God.             — Michelle Shea

Creativity is a unique expression of our ability to make something out of our “originality of thought.”  Although we cannot, like God, create ex nihilo(“out of nothing”), we have the power to generate and transform things:  to convert our ideas into new forms, to make our dreams realities, to shape our self and our world–to inspire, excite, incite, calm, and originate.  When we create in connection with God, we feel inspired and empowered.  Through creativity, we can develop skills which we often do not fully understand or engage.  By applying our abilities to new possibilities, creativity builds self-awareness and strengthens identity.

When we create, we take risks and embrace new possibilities.  The creative process taps the source of both our intrinsic nature and our individuality. This permits us to discover and express more of our other intrinsic gifts and more of our self.  It helps us to recognize those qualities and to harness their power.

We generate creativity from within rather than accepting external formulations of it.  For this reason, we often feel that what we create is who we are–it is part of ourselves.  When our work permits us to create, we often call it art and equate the product with our self-worth.  One of the miracles of each of our lives is the possibility of leaving our distinct — creative — mark through the expressions of our creativity.  Creativity is a unique expression of our own experience and achievements.

4. Free Will

The most tremendous thing granted to humanity is choice, freedom.

                                                                             —Søren Kierkegaard

Free will is our ability to choose.  Moreover, it is our ability to think outside ourselves–to gain an observational sense of our situation.  Exercising free-will, we recognize that we can draw upon our own voice, rather than echo what we have been told.  By examining the choices we have, we can establish our voice in relation to others and feel integrity in our position.

To not make choices is to give up a part of our self.  Those who feel as if they have lost their will often feel trapped.  If we feel that we have no choice or are locked in, we need to examine what constrains us.  By drawing upon our spontaneity, reasoning, and creativity, we can release ourselves from these shackles.

5.  Spirituality

A return to reverence is the first prerequisite for a revival of wisdom…Wisdom comes from awe rather than shrewdness.  It is evoked not in moments of calculation but in moments of being in rapport with the mystery of reality.                                    –Abraham Heschel

Spirituality is our response to God’s call–our communication with the spirit of life’s Mystery.  Spirituality is a Mystery not only because it involves something beyond our mind and knowledge, but also because it comes from our experiences of God.  The power of that relationship to spirit is unique for each of us; we tap the power of spirituality in our encounters with God, which gives us a clear vision and an understanding of life.  That is why there are different paths to spirituality.  Our ability to grow spiritually is made possible through a recognition of, and commitment to, developing our relationship with God.  By penetrating beyond the temporal and engaging the Mystery we can find the guide for our journey of fulfillment.  To engage our spirituality we must engage our personal relationship with God and make this relationship central in our lives.

You can experience God, but whether you subscribe to a particular religion, develop a personal understanding of spirit, or deny all divinities and are an atheist, there exists one certainty: things occur in life over which you have no control.  You can attribute these things to fate, randomness, nature, physical reality, or God.  I personally believe that it is the Spirit that provides the answers for us in all things.  We find the Spirit when we discover and actively engage our True Self –connect to our Self, Others, and God and hear the voices of our thoughts (our mind), our feelings (our heart), and our spirit (our soul), we both explain and understand our nature and how these connections bring us fulfillment.

6. Discernment

The supreme end of education is expert discernment in all things–the power to tell the good from the bad, the genuine from the counterfeit, and to prefer the good and the genuine to the bad and counterfeit.                                                 —Samuel Johnson

Discernment, as Johnson notes above, is our ability to distinguish Good from Evil–and to choose the Good.  When we choose between Good andEvil, we demonstrate what principles are guiding us.  Discernment is thus the ability both to make moral choices and to act accordingly.  It is not being judgmental, as in disdainful and imperious moralizing; it is judgment driven by Truth.  Discernment emerges from knowing, choosing, and acting on the Good.

The simple ability to distinguish “right” from “wrong” begins at age three according to psychologists who study moral development. Howver, from even our earliest experiences, we begin to grow in discernment by developing virtues. Therefore, the extent to which we develop virtue (such as kindness, justice, caring, truthfulness, courage, and the like) we ignite the quality of our ability to discern.  While our individual temperament may be drawn to one virtue over another, refining these proclivities through the discipline of enacting virtue shapes both our character and our ability to discern.  Through discernment, we express our connection to the concerns of humanity at large and define our character.

 7.  Love

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.

–Sophocles

Love is the culminating point–where we put the True Self to its greatest use.  Love is a profoundly caring and intensely passionate and personal connection that generates respect, honesty, and reciprocity.  Love also involves a physical, emotional, and spiritual attraction to another.  We are driven by the powerful urge to love and to be loved, for love is intrinsic to our social nature.  By trusting another to know one’s own self through their eyes, we free our self to union–to love and be loved.  Loving connections convey the ultimate expression of the authentic self through an active engagement of Self, Others, and God.  But while love is frequently identified as life’s most fulfilling experience, it can also be our most difficult pursuit — it often gets confined to only one of these three crucial relationships. Authentic love may begin by engaging only Self, only Others, only God–but if the love is authentic it always leads to the other two.

Loving will be a sacred connection — the highest human function, entrusted to us by God.  When that sacred trust is broken, by us or by another, we feel it.  When a lover does not act with the kindness and respect that a sacred love naturally includes, we can feel that opening up to that person was a big mistake.  Although loving may include sex, a relationship based only on sex is not love.  Love is a connection that opens the inner floodgates of one’s being to another.  Because of the inherent vulnerability of exposing the self in a relationship, you feel love when you feel safe and are comfortable enough to “let go” of your defenses.  In this healthy expression of love, both people are accessing their True Self.

John T. Chirban, Ph.D., Th.D. is a clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School and author of True Coming of Age:  A Dynamic Process That Leads to Emotional Stability Spiritual Growth, and Meaningful Relationships.  For more information please visit www.drchirban.com and www.sexualproblems.com.

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